Sorry to hear that this has been your February. I can so relate.
You wrack your brains thinking what did you do and can't believe that other people are blindly following suit with no questions asked. I lost a whole circle of friends about 18 years ago from something similar.
TBH I disassociated myself from them all once I realised not one of them was asking any questions. It affected all of us including our kids as our families had been so close - even going on holidays together. It's always felt like such a big loss because I never got any closure. To this day I never found out why.
Thanks Sharon (apologies for the delay in replying, March was a sad month).
Nuts, isn't it, that you can lose a whole group of friends just like that... how?! You just keep asking yourself how, why... and it's sad for you when you say your kids lost friends too. So hard not knowing why, isn't it - at least knowing means you can stop wondering and move on :(
WOW it sounds truly awful, Catherine! I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Sadly, I can relate (to a certain extent), as last year some of our closest friends treated us despicably. It was so bad that I made a point of removing every last thing they had ever given us from our home because I didn't want any of their negative energy anywhere near us! And then, not long afterwards, another couple of friends who my husband had been going out of his way to help (he gave him a job when he needed it, trained him how to do loads of stuff, gave his brother-in-law a job when HE needed it, bought an expensive painting from them because they needed money, sold them our HOUSE cheaper than we could have done just because we thought it would be nice having them as neighbours!! We introduced them to lots of friends because they didn't seem to have any, etc) turned on us. It was ridiculous! So now we have gits as neighbours...great! At least all our other proper friends have shown their true colours and have been there for us throughout all this!
Why are people so bloody effing idiotic? I just don't get it!!
Thank you Suzy (apologies for the delay in replying, March was a sad month for us).
I'm so sorry you went through this too - why do people do this?? Leaves me baffled. Especially when you've been helping them and looking out for them up to that point. Shows you who your true friends are, doesn't it :(
Urgh so sorry you had to experience this. I had a similar experience in my late 30s when I got divorced from my abusive ex and it ROCKED MY FOUNDATIONS! I had to totally rebuild my life and do it almost alone because the people I thought had my back just …didn’t. It took many years for me to trust friends again, and even now I’m much more trepidatious entering into new friendships than I used to be. Sending you so much love, strength support and unconditional FRIENDSHIP because I know what it means to have that. Xxx
Thank you Sandie, huge apologies for the delay in replying, March was a sad month :(
I'm so sorry you went through this too! I've heard a lot of times that friends are lost when they split up from their partner, but when abuse is involved you'd think they'd have your back... sadly that isn't always the case and good riddance, I say, if they didn't support you!! Our time is short and I'm glad you are cautious, but I do hope it's not at the expense of making new friends. Much love to you, hope you're doing okay xx
Oh Catherine, it is a real breach of all trust and faith, isn't it. It happened to me about 20 years ago, via a community charity event I was helping to organise: I still feel sick at the venom and queen bee attitude.
Have faith in yourself and the good people around you.
(Apologies for the delay replying about this Sanja, March was a sad month as I know you saw x)
So many people commenting saying the same as you, Sanja - why do people let us down like this?! I'm sorry you went through it and I hope it's strengthened the good friendships you still have xx
Envy is definitely a factor in this kind of thing. And sometimes it's envy at what they perceive rather than the reality.
With friends like this it's relatively "easy" to let them go, family is a totally different ball game one which often goes on longer than it should because blood is supposedly thicker than water - apparently when it's flowing in one direction only!
(Sorry I've taken so long to reply to this Sue, we had sad news in March and time stopped for a bit x)
I totally hear you on the friends/family thing... unfortunately ours was the latter. And it's going on longer than it should, meaning we will cut ties when circumstances let us. A sorry, sorry state of affairs that we didn't see coming and that never had to happen. Thanks for your support x
I discovered this to be true 25 years ago when I went through a crisis and, as you described so well, the (few) people who I thought would be there for me didn't care to help me and kicked me when I was down. As you alluded to, at least two of the FF harboured envy - that green monster - unbeknownst to me until I was in that situation and my downfall gave them an ego boost. Through the grace of God (and good health insurance that covered therapy - we don't have socialized medicine in America) I was able to get help from licensed professionals. They told me this is common, unfortunately, and you have to learn to see the red flags and pick your friends wisely. Easier said than done. Unfortunately, you can't pick your family. One thing I did find was that the people who showed up to help me were random neighbors in my apartment complex, who I only knew very superficially. Three or four random neighbors helped me, without asking, because they heard "what happened." Really helped. One such neighbor, who I ended up staying with for a month until I got another place to live, said that in her culture if someone stays with you it's a blessing because they are "giving back for blessings they have already received." My "beloved" sister would not let me stay with her. At the time I was going through Hell, and experiencing the things you describe, I saw a an old Irish saying: "Never kick a man when they are down. They always get back up again." I did indeed get back up again. Another person who offered to help me at the time (who I did not ask) told me that he experienced an illness while a tennager and lost all his friends and the only people who expressed any sympathy or visited him were kids he barely knew. His other friends abandoned him. He said "that's the way it is." He said the random odd people - the strangers even - who help you when you are in a crisis - are going to be the people who have also been through this type of thing, people who also found out that "friends and family" wouldn't help them. It's a sad commentary, but true. Think of all the hundreds of people in Los Angeles who just lost their homes and all their possessions in one day in the terrible fires? I wonder how many of their FF said "yes" when they had to ask for help in the aftermath? (PS, it just so happens that the apartment I was living in 25 years ago when I experienced the crisis, well it burned to the ground, literally turned to dust.)
(Liz I'm so sorry for taking ages to reply, we had sad news in March and I'm only just getting round to replying to my comments now x)
This sounds absolutely awful for you, I'm so sorry this happened!! Funny how sometimes it's friends (and sometimes almost-strangers like neighbours!) will be the ones who rally round and help, when it's family that do nothing and kick you when you're down, as you say. That's pretty much what happened to us sadly :(
I'm so glad you got back up again and showed those who didn't support you just how strong you are. That's what we're trying to do at the moment, but it's difficult and very draining. I wish you all the very best, including lots of good neighbours and friends who support and love you xx
Hitting the "like" button seems wrong, but WOW - I'd like to say I'm horrified but in the real world there are these loathsome people that show their true colours occasionally! And then the outcome is, who do you trust anymore?
So sorry you are having all these horrible things happening to you xx
(Sorry for the delay replying Debbie - we had a very sad March and I got behind x)
Thank you so much for the support. It's quite unbelievable to think we're in this position. I'm not sure they even realise what they've done is so hurtful, though I wonder if it's partly a case of burying their heads in the sand and trying to ignore the problem rather than stepping up and helping out. Oh well... their loss. They'll know what they've lost soon enough x
Sorry to hear that this has been your February. I can so relate.
You wrack your brains thinking what did you do and can't believe that other people are blindly following suit with no questions asked. I lost a whole circle of friends about 18 years ago from something similar.
TBH I disassociated myself from them all once I realised not one of them was asking any questions. It affected all of us including our kids as our families had been so close - even going on holidays together. It's always felt like such a big loss because I never got any closure. To this day I never found out why.
Thanks Sharon (apologies for the delay in replying, March was a sad month).
Nuts, isn't it, that you can lose a whole group of friends just like that... how?! You just keep asking yourself how, why... and it's sad for you when you say your kids lost friends too. So hard not knowing why, isn't it - at least knowing means you can stop wondering and move on :(
WOW it sounds truly awful, Catherine! I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Sadly, I can relate (to a certain extent), as last year some of our closest friends treated us despicably. It was so bad that I made a point of removing every last thing they had ever given us from our home because I didn't want any of their negative energy anywhere near us! And then, not long afterwards, another couple of friends who my husband had been going out of his way to help (he gave him a job when he needed it, trained him how to do loads of stuff, gave his brother-in-law a job when HE needed it, bought an expensive painting from them because they needed money, sold them our HOUSE cheaper than we could have done just because we thought it would be nice having them as neighbours!! We introduced them to lots of friends because they didn't seem to have any, etc) turned on us. It was ridiculous! So now we have gits as neighbours...great! At least all our other proper friends have shown their true colours and have been there for us throughout all this!
Why are people so bloody effing idiotic? I just don't get it!!
Big hugs
Suzy xx
Thank you Suzy (apologies for the delay in replying, March was a sad month for us).
I'm so sorry you went through this too - why do people do this?? Leaves me baffled. Especially when you've been helping them and looking out for them up to that point. Shows you who your true friends are, doesn't it :(
Urgh so sorry you had to experience this. I had a similar experience in my late 30s when I got divorced from my abusive ex and it ROCKED MY FOUNDATIONS! I had to totally rebuild my life and do it almost alone because the people I thought had my back just …didn’t. It took many years for me to trust friends again, and even now I’m much more trepidatious entering into new friendships than I used to be. Sending you so much love, strength support and unconditional FRIENDSHIP because I know what it means to have that. Xxx
Thank you Sandie, huge apologies for the delay in replying, March was a sad month :(
I'm so sorry you went through this too! I've heard a lot of times that friends are lost when they split up from their partner, but when abuse is involved you'd think they'd have your back... sadly that isn't always the case and good riddance, I say, if they didn't support you!! Our time is short and I'm glad you are cautious, but I do hope it's not at the expense of making new friends. Much love to you, hope you're doing okay xx
Oh Catherine, it is a real breach of all trust and faith, isn't it. It happened to me about 20 years ago, via a community charity event I was helping to organise: I still feel sick at the venom and queen bee attitude.
Have faith in yourself and the good people around you.
(Apologies for the delay replying about this Sanja, March was a sad month as I know you saw x)
So many people commenting saying the same as you, Sanja - why do people let us down like this?! I'm sorry you went through it and I hope it's strengthened the good friendships you still have xx
Envy is definitely a factor in this kind of thing. And sometimes it's envy at what they perceive rather than the reality.
With friends like this it's relatively "easy" to let them go, family is a totally different ball game one which often goes on longer than it should because blood is supposedly thicker than water - apparently when it's flowing in one direction only!
(Sorry I've taken so long to reply to this Sue, we had sad news in March and time stopped for a bit x)
I totally hear you on the friends/family thing... unfortunately ours was the latter. And it's going on longer than it should, meaning we will cut ties when circumstances let us. A sorry, sorry state of affairs that we didn't see coming and that never had to happen. Thanks for your support x
Don't worry about it taking time, I totally get it.
I discovered this to be true 25 years ago when I went through a crisis and, as you described so well, the (few) people who I thought would be there for me didn't care to help me and kicked me when I was down. As you alluded to, at least two of the FF harboured envy - that green monster - unbeknownst to me until I was in that situation and my downfall gave them an ego boost. Through the grace of God (and good health insurance that covered therapy - we don't have socialized medicine in America) I was able to get help from licensed professionals. They told me this is common, unfortunately, and you have to learn to see the red flags and pick your friends wisely. Easier said than done. Unfortunately, you can't pick your family. One thing I did find was that the people who showed up to help me were random neighbors in my apartment complex, who I only knew very superficially. Three or four random neighbors helped me, without asking, because they heard "what happened." Really helped. One such neighbor, who I ended up staying with for a month until I got another place to live, said that in her culture if someone stays with you it's a blessing because they are "giving back for blessings they have already received." My "beloved" sister would not let me stay with her. At the time I was going through Hell, and experiencing the things you describe, I saw a an old Irish saying: "Never kick a man when they are down. They always get back up again." I did indeed get back up again. Another person who offered to help me at the time (who I did not ask) told me that he experienced an illness while a tennager and lost all his friends and the only people who expressed any sympathy or visited him were kids he barely knew. His other friends abandoned him. He said "that's the way it is." He said the random odd people - the strangers even - who help you when you are in a crisis - are going to be the people who have also been through this type of thing, people who also found out that "friends and family" wouldn't help them. It's a sad commentary, but true. Think of all the hundreds of people in Los Angeles who just lost their homes and all their possessions in one day in the terrible fires? I wonder how many of their FF said "yes" when they had to ask for help in the aftermath? (PS, it just so happens that the apartment I was living in 25 years ago when I experienced the crisis, well it burned to the ground, literally turned to dust.)
(Liz I'm so sorry for taking ages to reply, we had sad news in March and I'm only just getting round to replying to my comments now x)
This sounds absolutely awful for you, I'm so sorry this happened!! Funny how sometimes it's friends (and sometimes almost-strangers like neighbours!) will be the ones who rally round and help, when it's family that do nothing and kick you when you're down, as you say. That's pretty much what happened to us sadly :(
I'm so glad you got back up again and showed those who didn't support you just how strong you are. That's what we're trying to do at the moment, but it's difficult and very draining. I wish you all the very best, including lots of good neighbours and friends who support and love you xx
Hitting the "like" button seems wrong, but WOW - I'd like to say I'm horrified but in the real world there are these loathsome people that show their true colours occasionally! And then the outcome is, who do you trust anymore?
So sorry you are having all these horrible things happening to you xx
(Sorry for the delay replying Debbie - we had a very sad March and I got behind x)
Thank you so much for the support. It's quite unbelievable to think we're in this position. I'm not sure they even realise what they've done is so hurtful, though I wonder if it's partly a case of burying their heads in the sand and trying to ignore the problem rather than stepping up and helping out. Oh well... their loss. They'll know what they've lost soon enough x